The end of summer. The beginning of...

Forcing my feet forward, despite the feeling that they each weighed 100 lbs, robbed me of my strength. As I pried myself out of your arms the realization hit me that this day we had been dreading has arrived.  I loaded myself in to a car that would drive me hundreds of miles away from you and felt the chasm between us take shape. The distances is suffocating.

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, this I believe to be true.   I know that all good stories have a conflict, and this perhaps can be ours.  A conflict that has the potential to define us by the strength and character that will grow in us and our relationship despite the dreaded distance.

Goodbyes are the worst.

I know that this time is important, it will provide opportunity to grow.  But even that knowledge isn't sufficient to silence the whimpers of lonely heart. 

Rest and summer.

It feels like life has been in a constant state of flux for the past 4 years.  This theoretically could be my last year of university, but because I transferred I am bound to the life of an academic for an additional annum. This summer I sought to find myself again after a year of dizzyingly difficult situations and changes.   I limited my work week to part time, a sacrifice financially, and allowed myself time for me.   My mental state going into the summer break was brittle and tired.  I needed reprise from decision and deadlines, heart ache and the hardship I found myself surrounded by in Winnipeg.   Thankfully I found the serenity I needed, and it came in a different way than I expected. 



I made the decision this summer to rest, and not feel pressure to perform or practice or please my inner perfectionist.   I gave myself a break which, looking back I might regret as the work piles begin to form and the outline of my next two semesters are traced in my mind.   I doubt, even as deadlines race towards me that I will regret even a minute of my summer free of school-like thoughts.  I think in the midst of packing, good-byes and change I forget the exhausted state I wearily brought myself home in.  I see only what is coming and almost view the much needed reprise as an oversight, or ill timed decisions.  

I know I am happier than I have ever been.  My heart nearly burst today as I was surrounded by family and dear friends that I have grown to love deeply.  My summer, although unproductive in many aspects was invaluable because it allowed me time to breath, and remember what life could and can feel like.   As I embark on another scholastic year, armed with knowledge that I am loved and cared for by not only an amazing family, but also the love of my life, I know I can tackle challenges I couldn't have faced without these three months of rest and rejuvenation. 

 

Summer is quickly coming to a close.   These words that it pains me to write as I hate the thought of separation between me and the ones I love.   As the distances grows larger, I hope and pray that our bounds grow stronger.  

maybe a little cheesy... sorry. Sort of.

I have been a little distracted this summer.  What started out as a half hearted attempt to discover if I still in fact have a heart has lead me to find that I not only do I  have one but it has the capacity to be fuller than I could have ever hoped.   I've heard that good things come to those who wait but that wasn't true, the best things come to those who wait.   The nervousness I felt was a kin to what I expect the jitters before jumping out of a plane feels like.  I took my seat and watched as the rain made the streets glossy.  Before I knew it, 3:00 came and in walked a beautiful blue eye blond haired boy. Silently I thanked God that he looked like his picture and in fact was somehow even better in person.  It's been a few months since that pivotal day in time, and since then I have a new best friend and I've had more adventures than I could have hoped for, and this is just the beginning!  

I guess the moral of the story is that you never know who is right around the corner.  I wasn't expecting anything like this.