The end of summer. The beginning of...

Forcing my feet forward, despite the feeling that they each weighed 100 lbs, robbed me of my strength. As I pried myself out of your arms the realization hit me that this day we had been dreading has arrived.  I loaded myself in to a car that would drive me hundreds of miles away from you and felt the chasm between us take shape. The distances is suffocating.

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, this I believe to be true.   I know that all good stories have a conflict, and this perhaps can be ours.  A conflict that has the potential to define us by the strength and character that will grow in us and our relationship despite the dreaded distance.

Goodbyes are the worst.

I know that this time is important, it will provide opportunity to grow.  But even that knowledge isn't sufficient to silence the whimpers of lonely heart. 

Rest and summer.

It feels like life has been in a constant state of flux for the past 4 years.  This theoretically could be my last year of university, but because I transferred I am bound to the life of an academic for an additional annum. This summer I sought to find myself again after a year of dizzyingly difficult situations and changes.   I limited my work week to part time, a sacrifice financially, and allowed myself time for me.   My mental state going into the summer break was brittle and tired.  I needed reprise from decision and deadlines, heart ache and the hardship I found myself surrounded by in Winnipeg.   Thankfully I found the serenity I needed, and it came in a different way than I expected. 



I made the decision this summer to rest, and not feel pressure to perform or practice or please my inner perfectionist.   I gave myself a break which, looking back I might regret as the work piles begin to form and the outline of my next two semesters are traced in my mind.   I doubt, even as deadlines race towards me that I will regret even a minute of my summer free of school-like thoughts.  I think in the midst of packing, good-byes and change I forget the exhausted state I wearily brought myself home in.  I see only what is coming and almost view the much needed reprise as an oversight, or ill timed decisions.  

I know I am happier than I have ever been.  My heart nearly burst today as I was surrounded by family and dear friends that I have grown to love deeply.  My summer, although unproductive in many aspects was invaluable because it allowed me time to breath, and remember what life could and can feel like.   As I embark on another scholastic year, armed with knowledge that I am loved and cared for by not only an amazing family, but also the love of my life, I know I can tackle challenges I couldn't have faced without these three months of rest and rejuvenation. 

 

Summer is quickly coming to a close.   These words that it pains me to write as I hate the thought of separation between me and the ones I love.   As the distances grows larger, I hope and pray that our bounds grow stronger.  

maybe a little cheesy... sorry. Sort of.

I have been a little distracted this summer.  What started out as a half hearted attempt to discover if I still in fact have a heart has lead me to find that I not only do I  have one but it has the capacity to be fuller than I could have ever hoped.   I've heard that good things come to those who wait but that wasn't true, the best things come to those who wait.   The nervousness I felt was a kin to what I expect the jitters before jumping out of a plane feels like.  I took my seat and watched as the rain made the streets glossy.  Before I knew it, 3:00 came and in walked a beautiful blue eye blond haired boy. Silently I thanked God that he looked like his picture and in fact was somehow even better in person.  It's been a few months since that pivotal day in time, and since then I have a new best friend and I've had more adventures than I could have hoped for, and this is just the beginning!  

I guess the moral of the story is that you never know who is right around the corner.  I wasn't expecting anything like this.   

Daisies

                 You, gentle and white sit on a cushion of sunshine. You embody happiness.  

A wise actress, after receiving a bouquet of daisies exclaimed, "Daisies are the friendliest flower."  This is a statement that I stand behind.  

What I love about this flower is the simplicity.  A daisy awakens a youthful joy in me.  I love that they are an every mans flower, they are everywhere in the summer and if there was enough time in the day, bouquets could go for miles.  They dance, and seem to glow in the sunshine.  They are pleased to simply exist.  

Summer time

Those were the days, those lazy summer days when time seemed to stay still.  When a backyard became a jungle or a tree house transformed into a palace.  It was amazing how holding a tiny metal race car felt like I was behind the wheel, or that our dreams still could become a reality.  There was wonder behind every activity and a simplicity in our expectations.  Perhaps this is what the world is missing now.  The child-like innocence and perspective.    Those were the years when things where black and white, and shades of grey were reserved for the shadows on the wall.   Where does this youthful optimism go?   Why do things have to be complicated and intricate? 

happy place

I watched yesterday as a meadow seemed to come alive as wind dusted over it. It seemed as though jolts of lighting-like wind surged through it as patterns formed on the pond in front of me and the grasses sang and swayed happily around me.  As birds played above, diving from great heights down towards the water and then, as if in a moment of panic tilted their noses only to settle in the tall grass, I sat there silently mesmerized by the artistry that surrounded me. From the finesse of the feathered to the harmony created by the wind and grass, the moment felt peaceful as the sun settled in the western sky.


I find myself in moments like this and it's places like this where I can collect my anxious thoughts, and sift through my worries.  There I am gently reminded I can lay my burdens down at the feet of the creator of Heaven and Earth and he cares.


²² And he said to his disciples, “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat, nor about your body, what you will put on. ²³ For life is more than food, and the body more than clothing. ²⁴ Consider the ravens: they neither sow nor reap, they have neither storehouse nor barn, and yet God feeds them. Of how much more value are you than the birds! ²⁵ And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?^{[a] 26} If then you are not able to do as small a thing as that, why are you anxious about the rest? ²⁷ Consider the lilies, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin,^[b] yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. ²⁸ But if God so clothes the grass, which is alive in the field today, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith! ²⁹ And do not seek what you are to eat and what you are to drink, nor be worried. ³⁰ For all the nations of the world seek after these things, and your Father knows that you need them. ³¹ Instead, seek his^[c] kingdom, and these things will be added to you.
³² “Fear not, little flock, for it is your Father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom. ³³ Sell your possessions, and give to the needy. Provide yourselves with moneybags that do not grow old, with a treasure in the heavens that does not fail, where no thief approaches and no moth destroys. ³⁴ For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.

Luke 12:22-34

Do Not Be Anxious

 

 

butterflies II

I thought for sure I would have found them lifeless and limp lying at the bottom of that forgotten jar deep in the forest. But there they were, a live and well proving that I am not broken.  Their little wings beat effortlessly now in my stomach whenever you give me that smile, or take my hand when I least expect it. My little butterflies are resilient and their little wings beat fervently whenever you enter my thoughts. I had released any hope of finding them alive, but there they were as if no time had past since they first flew into my heart...