On the subject of 500 miles.

On the subject of 500 miles.

I opened my eyes to a dull room, sensing that the sky outside was grey and that the air in my room was cold.  I sighed, and inhaled confidently, thinking, “I am going to be okay.”  My feet felt the ground, and my day began.

The skies were grey today, but were sprinkling snow that sparkled like glitter as it was lifted and twirled around the air.   I briskly walked from point a. to point b. this morning noticing the frozen flecks that fluttered around me.  With each foot step on the hard packed snow emphasizing the rhythm in my ears of The Proclaimer’s song 500 miles, “this song has grown up with me” I thought as the words played in my mind.

I remember listening to the catchy melody as a kid, loving the image of an man walking 500 miles through the green grassy Scottish highlands along a gravel road.  At the time that image was enough to satisfy me.

To anyone else this pilgrimage would be an exhausting journey, but the man in my mind was energetic and full of purpose until his very last mile. Now I see him reaching his destination, his goal...his girl.  For anyone that this song doesn’t immediately start to play in their mind, the lyrics proclaim the following:

 

When I wake up, well I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who wakes up next to you.
When I go out, yeah I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who goes along with you.

If I get drunk, well I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who gets drunk next to you.
And if I haver, yeah I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who's haverin' to you.

But I would walk 500 miles
And I would walk 500 more
Just to be the man who walked 1000 miles
To fall down at your door

When I'm workin', yes I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who's workin' hard for you.
And when the money comes in for the work I'll do
I'll pass almost every penny on to you.

When I come home (when I come home), oh I know I'm gonna be 'I'm gonna be the man who comes back home to you.
And if I grow old, well I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who's growing old with you.

But I would walk 500 miles
And I would walk 500 more
Just to be the man who walked 1000 miles
To fall down at your door

Da da-da da (da da-da da)
Da da-da da (da da-da da)

When I'm lonely, well I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man whose lonely without you.
And when I'm dreamin', well I know I'm gonna dream
I'm gonna dream about the times when I'm with you.

When I go out (when I go out), well I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who goes along with you.
And when I come home (when I come home), yes I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who comes back home to you.
I'm gonna be the man who's comin' home to you.

But I would walk 500 miles
And I would walk 500 more
Just to be the man who walked 1000 miles
To fall down at your door

Da da-da da (da da-da da)
Da da-da da (da da-da da)

And I would walk 500 miles
And I would walk 500 more
Just to be the man who walked 1000 miles
To fall down at your door

It dawned on me this morning as my fingers began to chill and I crossed the icy road toward point b. that I want someone to believe that I am worth walking 1000 miles for, even hypothetically. The song coming to an end and my destination in sight, the anticipation of warmth hurried my step. I breathed in the icy air one last time before again entering human temperatures and wondered as the cold air was behind me, if it is for the best that you let me go.
 

A week ago after a challenging sermon at church, I had this image come to mind: 
A small wooden boat, with room for two, sits in the middle of an expanse of water. As it sits nowhere of importance, it half-heartedly is serving its purpose of being adrift. Without the effort of paddling it will go nowhere, and will not fulfill what it was designed to do.   A relationship requires effort to see beyond what is within the current scope otherwise it will be dragged to shore to sit lifelessly. I am still sitting in that boat wondering why I didn’t notice that you weren’t paddling.
While realising that I was so invested, I didn’t see that my most important relationship was moving closer and closer to shore as a result of my lack of attention.