confession

After a failed attempt at a work out, I sat alone in a silent sauna sweating out my stress, and worry. As my restless mind slowly began to quiet I pressed forward in prayer, and prayed the words I’ve prayed a seemingly infinite number of times over my lifetime. I prayed quietly for direction and wisdom to know how to navigate life’s decisions, and demands.  Twenty minutes later I found myself surrounded by a cacophony of voices that swirled around me as I sat silently at the upright piano pressed against a white wall.   I couldn’t sing. But the practice rooms were a live with song.  Feeling heavy and overwhelmed by life, the voices I heard through those walls, each singing their unique song created soundtrack for my life in that moment.   The music didn’t make sense in the bigger picture, but upon a closer listen, and focusing on one song at a time, they created a beautiful piece of art.   There is an analogy in there somewhere.   

I gathered my will to go outside into the cold. I armed myself in my battle gear of a parka and gloves and then forced my feet out the doors.  As I walked I prayed, confessing my disorientation and humbly admitting I don’t know.  A few moments later I felt a still small voice reassure me… “ I know.”   

God lets us fall on our knees so we have no other choice but to look up.   He is our strength when we are weak, he is direction when we have none, and our purpose and hope when we feel purposeless or hopeless.  I forget sometime how invested He is in my life, and the lives of those I care about.   He wants to be apart of every single aspect, and beyond that he wants to be in control.  Sometimes very hard to relinquish control but that is when I think, our relationship makes the most sense.