performance anxiety

Performance anxiety. 

My palms feel as though there is an electrical current flowing through them, sometimes they go tingly. I feel aware of my feet on solid ground and yet my mind feels as though it resides on a cloud.  I watch as the words I’m about to sing run through my head, and the anxious electrical current strikes my body like lightening.  The nervous energy I feel manifests itself in my breath and heart beat.  If I am not conscious of my breath, my breathing becomes shallow and rapid, while my heart rate accelerates to marathon speeds.  To combat this physical sense of panic pounding in my chest I focus on the rhythm of the air entering and escaping my lungs.  With each inhale the rhythm in my chest began to slow and slowly my mind begins to float to solid ground, and the racing thoughts slow to a walk.   I used the power of my breath to battle any nervous energy I felt prior to walking myself on stage,  to perform my minute long song.   As I settled in the center of the stage I still felt the threat of being knocked from my center by the pounding of my heart against my chest.  I took a slow breath in, exhaled and cleared by head of any worry.    This was not the time to reflect, or recap.   At this moment, it felt like bungee jumping backwards. I had to trust the free fall and the strength of the cord attached to my feet anchoring me to the stage.   That moment of “free falling” is the moment that ties my heartstrings to the extreme sport of performance.   I often forget why I subject myself to the anxiety and stress that comes hand in hand with preparation for placing myself on a stage.  But the gentle reminder of performing is one that I feel is equally as essential to the battle of performance anxiety, as deep breathing or feeling grounded.   Without purpose, why battle at all?