I grabbed a hold of the cold lifeless stone that offered a
small pathetic feeling of grounding as my mind began to spin and I felt like I
was loosing control of my body. I
didn’t trust myself not to fall. I knew
that behind me was hundreds of unforgiving feet and in front of me was the rock
I gripped with all the power in the tips of my fingers. I felt paralyzed by fear, and almost unable
to force movement to my body’s extremities.
I heard voices, even though my discerning mind was temporarily disabled. Somehow, through gentle guidance I didn’t
fall, I didn’t stay stranded on that mountain, and I didn’t turn around. I pressed on and met more challenges after
overcoming my fanatic fear of heights.
Feeling wobbly, and uncertain about my body’s capabilities I slipped my
way up a mountain peak. Emotionally and physically I felt numb. I was certain my gauge of fear wasn’t working
until those frightful moments and then I was all too aware of my mortality. I realised in those moments after my paralysing
fear that I am tough. I accomplished
something that my mind told me I couldn’t do.
I pursued the experience despite my fragile state.
When I reached the top, when I realised there was no more, I
had made it, I couldn’t hold back tears.
I’m not sure now if it was the shock of it all, the whole weeklong
experience. It all seemed to culminate
at that jagged rock that proudly protrudes above peaks and valleys below. I proved to myself that I am capable of
things that surpass my expectations.
Tough is a word that is thrown around frivolously. “It was a tough day” “he was a tough prof” “tough assignment” “tough luck…” Tough is word that I believe
defines each one of us as human beings.
We all have been dealt difficult cards of varying degrees. But the degree doesn’t separate us from the
fact that we are all fallen human beings that face challenges that are overcome
everyday. Life is hard for the best of
us, and the reality is that if you are:
not easily broken, capable of endurance, or not easily influenced… you
are tough. And each one of us has been
faced with times in life when it has forced us to be just that.
Afraid as I climbed up the side of this mountain, how on earth was I supposed to get down? It was petrifying to scramble up the seemingly unforgiving summit. As we made our way down, I crossed the rocks that I clinged to for dear life, this time with much more grace and confidence. My previous convictions that the journey down would be dangerously difficult were proved wrong and allowed for my blood pressure to return to normal-ish, and my focus to widen giving me the ability to see the majesty that was around me. This wider perspective gave focus to the physical reminder of what I just accomplished as the mountain stood tall behind me. I am capable of climbing mountains, overcoming my fears, and surpassing my own expectations. This requires a certain level of "toughness" that I will now wear proudly.
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